There is a field near our house of prairie grasses set aside by a conservation group.
My wife and I go there along with our dog Jack.
As we follow the path, I am aware of two things:
1) My dog’s endless fascination and
2) the surprise of little things.
We go to get exercise or to visit. For our Cairn Terrier, he rarely stays on the path.
There is nothing ‘old’ about this place for him.
Every walk is novel and a new adventure.
In the prairie grass monotony of relationships
lasting for many years …
we may sometimes think we know everything about the other person.
Researchers, like John Gottman who has studied over 900 couples following some for over 15 years, find couples sometimes stop exploring and discovering more about the other person. We become caught in the time warp of when we first met.
Think of someone close to you and see if you can answer these simple questions:
What has been their favorite book / movie lately?
Their most major concern?
Who do they most admire at this time in their life?
Where would they most want to travel at this moment?
These are the kind of questions that take us off the path.
As we rounded the hill, something we are unprepared for. On the right side of the mown trail, new saplings growing everywhere on the slope, places they should not be – far from other mature aspen crowding the fence line to the north. And to our left, wildflowers everywhere – black-eyed Susans, marsh marigolds, goldenrod, wild daisies. Some stand alone. Others grow thrown together. They grow most liberal at the base of the hill near the muddy flats of the bog.
My reading tells me in distressed relationships couples rarely see more than a fraction of the good things the other person is doing for them.
They likely don’t expect to see any wildflowers. It seems hard for them to believe that from winter anything beautiful could grow. Few think the low places can also be places of goodness.
Quiet walks with my wife are not meant to be times of reflection and study. Perhaps I missed something overthinking the meaning of all of this.
Perhaps there were more surprises … I did not see.
The content above represents the views of this author. It is for information purposes only. If you are seeking help, consult with a professional who can tailor treatment to your specific need. Thanks for reading.
Tags: couple counseling, individual counseling, marriage counseling, minnesota, mn, wi.
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