John A. Bragstad Counseling

11550 Stillwater Blvd N

Lake Elmo, MN

 

(651) 308 1200

 

Specializing in cognitive-behavioral

therapy (CBT) & marriage counseling

FAQ’s

Does counseling last for years?

 

Not necessarily. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is well-researched as a time-effective way of helping people in a variety

of situations.  However, certain issues can become so embedded

they require more time.  Fears people have or their uncertainty can

be so great that therapy cannot outpace the client.  In situations like this, healing takes time to integrate new understanding into adult functioning.

Should I wait until my partner or family member are willing to come to counseling?

 

Not necessarily.  One person in any system who is motivated can make a tremendous difference.  As that person gains more clarity, asks different questions, presents their own needs or doesn’t respond to the same old moves / countermoves the way they once did,

things can be different.  You work on the one person you do have power over - yourself! 

While it is often preferable for others to be involved, it is not in most cases absolutely necessary. 

 

“Any time you think the problem is out there,

that very thought is the problem.” 

                                                                                                                                                     

                                                                                                                                                                          STEPHEN R COVEY

 

Is counseling only about “how I feel”?

 

No, most definitely not.  Feelings are important (sometimes critical!) and need to be ac-knowledged but, beyond that, feeling are often driven by what we think, how we interpret

events that happen in our lives.  Even at times when we are most anxious or down, we can often put these feelings aside if there is an emergency or a loved one who is asking for our help.  Cognitive therapy is about honoring feelings but at the same time, it doesn’t leave a person only feeling understood.  It provides tools to change how they will react to situations

and the feelings that can plague us.

 

Why 90 minute sessions? 

 

I also work with people for 60 minutes but most of my clients prefer 90 minute sessions.

 

· Our meetings are less rushed

· There is time to explore issues in more depth

· We can talk about feedback from our last session and homework assignments

· Clients maximize the time it takes to drive and disrupt busy schedules

· Relational issues can be complex - more time to sort things out

 

This is a departure from the “50 minute hour” and charges have been adjusted to accommodate this as much as possible.

What about other areas such as food compulsions or chronic negativity or perfectionism or hoarding or compulsive shopping or the inability to follow through on any New Year’s Resolutions you have planned?  

 

The truth is no one can promise that magically you will be successful in gaining an advantage over whatever it is that frustrates you. 

 

However, knowing what internal messages push back, identifying why you are your own

worst enemy, deciphering what purpose there is behind your behaviors can make a major difference in shifting from self-destructive acts to ones that are positive and self-enhancing.

 

I can help you gain such self-understanding so you at least know what your are fighting,

how you can make it worse, what you might be avoiding, what you need to do to work with

this negative energy instead of against it.

 

What about stepfamilies?

 

It’s hard to speak about stepfamilies because there are so many combinations and

each situation is unique. 

 

While this is not a specialty, I do work with many stepfamilies and couples who are getting married who have children who want to be more proactive. I help them navigate more effectively the complicated waters of blending two families together. 

 

Stepfamilies can be complicated and issues can be discounted or minimized.  Unrealistic expectations can also lead to stress and frustration.  Here are some issues stepfamilies

often must decide:

 

· What is the role of the stepparent who is often in the ’outside’ position?

· Who decides the rules and how they are implemented?

· How will we organize Christmas, vacations and other family rituals?

· How can I communicate and problem-solve more effectively with the biological parent?

· How do we deal with the pressure of ‘not wanting to fail’?

· How can we stay close as a couple amidst competing demands?

 

I assist stepfamilies to know more about what is happening so that they can take steps

to make this a solid and positive transition.

 

We have a good relationship?  What can we do to make it better?

 

Lots of couples do not want the good to become the enemy of the great.  Researched information is available that can help couples become even more successful in their day-to-

day interactions with each other.  How to make each other a priority, how to communicate

more to the other’s needs, how to express appreciation and how to love at more meaningful levels are all areas that can be explored.

 

What inspires you, makes you think, provides a window into how change is possible?

 

I offer you several poems and inspiring stories that have meant a lot to me in my personal and professional journey.  Perhaps these words of encouragement will touch some part of you

as well. 

What about my enjoyment of sports and other hobbies?

 

I am not a sports psychologist and do not have expertise in that

area. However, I have worked with athletes who are perfectionists

and demand too much of themselves, people who want to better

their performance, those who lack concentration or who take

themselves out of the game through streams of negative self-talk.

 

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is effective in helping people to not

overanalyze, learn how to go with the flow, understand pressure

and find satisfaction is what is supposed to bring enjoyment in life.

 

 

“Total concentration requires a freedom from internal distractions. 

The “mind like water” or flow experience requires performance skills

so well learned they can be done automatically. 

 

Excessive anxiety or tension from trying too hard are primary factors preventing the development of a broad external type of concentration.”

 

                                                                                                                                        ROBERT M. NIDEFFER

We are retiring soon?  What challenges will we meet?

 

I am amazed that couples who focus so intently on IRA’s and investment portfolios neglect another key aspect of retirement—the changes that will happen that effect them as a couple.

 

Closer proximity in time and space can create increased pressure and move you out from the comfort levels you have known.  Husbands can be underfoot for wives used to having the day to themselves.  Husbands can readjust to retirement by carrying their work mindset home with them.  

 

ENRICH AND MATE are two effective tools that can help couples plan for and enjoy their retirement.

Do you work with high school or university students?

 

                                       Absolutely.  I frequently have been able to help teens or                                        college students who are backlogged with work, dealing                                          with depression or who are unclear about how high school                                        or university fit into their future plans. 

 

                                       I have taught researched study skills for over 15 years and                                        have assisted students in gaining back confidence to move

                                       forward.

We are just married.  What can you offer us?

 

Plenty!  Your chances of staying together improve by more than 30% in the first 2-3

years of marriage if you have specific help in dealing with conflict and negotiating areas

where you may be different.

 

Researched information is available that is specific, credible and immediately transferable

to your situation.

 

This is especially important if you are planning to have a baby in the first years of marriage. 

We routinely underestimate the effect this can have on the couple and their relationship. 

 

We take pre-natal classes to anticipate a baby’s birth and what will be required.  Isn’t it just

as important to plan for the relational c-change that will happen after this new person enters into your relationship?

 

 

In our marriage, when will we know we’ve tried hard enough?

 

Doing more isn’t necessarily working more effectively.  A lot of couples will give up

thinking they have done their best when all they have really done is practiced the same

patterns with more intensity.  But does it make any sense, doing more of what hasn’t or

is no longer working … expecting different results? 

 

Marriage and couple counseling changes the equation by introducing new variables.

You’ll have a structural map to guide you, knowledge of key differences between you, researched information about how you can be more successful in your marriage.

 

As importantly, you will know what holds you back from achieving your goals and how

you can communicate more effectively to learn more about each other.

 

 

When you think of what couples stand to lose

in terms of the impact of divorce on children,

extended family and friends, shared history,

finances and personal dislocation,

marriage therapy makes a lot of sense.

How do I charge?

 

· For individual and couple 90 minute sessions   

· For individual and couple 60 minute sessions

· For intensive extended sessions / days & weekends   

 

· Business consultation fees are negotiated.

· Public speaking event fees are pre-arranged.

 

· PREPARE and pre-marriage 3 hour sessions     

   (includes scoring, preparation and meeting time)

Do I specialize in any one area?

 

Yes and no.  I work with a wide spectrum of problems because cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is not so much issue-specific as it is a way of approaching and understanding various problems we face.  You should be aware I will not practice outside my areas of competency and have referred clients on a number of occasions to services that will better suit their needs. 

 

Do I take insurance?

 

Indirectly.  I am considered “out-of-network” and bill clients at the end of every session. 

They pay me usually by personal check.  I provide them with a receipt that has the cost,

date of service, diagnosis (if required), my credentials and any other information that is necessary to process their claim.  The client submits this to their insurance company and

they receive reimbursement back directly from their provider.

 

Clients can also often access their flexible medical savings accounts.

 

I encourage prospective clients to call their insurance company, explain they are seeking help from an “out-of-network” provider and to ask what coverage is available.

 

Also, they should ask if they require a CPT code (time in session) and / or a DSM-IV diagnosis.

Can people change?

 

That depends entirely on you.   My clients tend to be people who:

 

· want life to be different

· are sick and tired of feeling sick and tired

· want to be pro-active in taking back control of their lives

· know it will take hard work and time to achieve meaningful results

 

It is the client or couple’s willingness to pursue goals even in the face

of internal uncertainties and fears that can make all the difference.